


30 Day BenKaru Challenge -- Day 22, Demora's First Day Of School

by tinynerdlet



Series: 30 Day BenKaru Challenge [22]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7992235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinynerdlet/pseuds/tinynerdlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikaru gets the pictures from Demora's first day at school before his shift. He's delighted to see them. When he returned to his quarters after his shift, there were two more messages. The one from Demora was just as delightful as the pictures. The one from Ben... not nearly as delightful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	30 Day BenKaru Challenge -- Day 22, Demora's First Day Of School

**Author's Note:**

> [See Story On Tumblr](http://spoopynerdlet.tumblr.com/post/149869276253/day-22-of-benkaru-demoras-first-day-of-school)

The pictures arrived at 0900 hours.

Hikaru opened them with overwhelming happiness and a tinge of bitterness tainting his heart. The image of his daughter, his light, standing in Yorktown with a yellow backpack and a beaming smile warmed him but a picture wouldn’t do it justice. He wanted to be there, to see it through a father’s eyes. He couldn’t. That was the life he chose.

Once he looked at all of them, Hikaru sent a recorded message to Ben. He knew his husband would be working and he didn’t want to interrupt. With a smile, Hikaru said, “She looks as beautiful as you do. You can tell her I said that.”

His smile faded when he stopped recording.

Hikaru didn’t have the chance to check his personal messages again until almost 2000 hours. He only had two messages, both were videos. The first was of Demora, of her beaming face, talking for over thirty minutes about her first day was. There was great emphasis placed on the plant in the classroom. It was likely a fern the teacher had gotten to light up the room. But Demora said, “It was like you were there with me!”

He wished he had been.

The second message was taken in Ben’s office. He was alone, holding a hot mug of tea. Hikaru could see the stars behind him, shining against the Yorktown night. Hikaru wanted Ben to make eye contact, but he never did. His eyes stayed on the mug.

“Demora had a delightful time at school,” Ben said. A pause. A smile appeared on Ben’s face. “I’m sure you’ve heard all about that.” The smile faded. Another pause. Then there was a chuckle, a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry, you’re the one out in space and I shouldn’t–” Ben’s voice cracked. His smile faded.

Hikaru stopped the message and called Ben. It took a few seconds, but the camera flicked on and Ben was in his office. He looked disheveled, with messy hair and aged eyes, but Hikaru could tell he hadn’t slept. His tired smile gave him away.

“Hello, sunlight,” Ben said. Hikaru smiled softly, paused, and then leaned into the camera, his smile draining away.

“You haven’t slept yet,” Hikaru said. Ben’s smile faded and then his eyes flicked down to the desk surface.

“No. I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“Too lonely,” Hikaru said. It wasn’t a question. Ben still nodded. Hikaru didn’t need him too. There were times where he looked in the mirror and saw that same drained face staring back at him. In those moments where only the dimmed lights and humming engine kept him company, he longed for Ben. His voice, his touch, his butterfly kisses, something. He was sure Ben had those moments too, but he never voiced them. Not until now.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there,” Hikaru said. Ben shook his head.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be making this harder for you.”

“You’re allowed to feel lonely, Ben.”

“But I shouldn’t be telling you. When you call, I should be having productive conversations. Delightful ones, even. We should be talking about Demora’s first day of school, not… this.”

“There’s nothing wrong with this,” Hikaru said. Ben sighed. “Ben, I mean that. I don’t expect every call to be good. I don’t expect you to be smiling every time we talk. I want you to be honest with me and tell me how the day really went. Sure, we can talk about Demora, but I also want to talk about you.”

Ben looked up. Hikaru could see that the man was on the verge of tears. How much had he been holding back after all this time? How much had he wanted to say that he just didn’t? What was he still holding back?

“Ben, talk to me,” Hikaru whispered.

“When Demora left for school today, I did nothing but sit in my office. I couldn’t even work. I just… sat there. She’s growing up. You’re out in the stars. I’m the only one that’s not going anywhere. I’m just… a stationary destination for you both.”

“You feel stuck?” Hikaru asked.

“In a way,” Ben said, “It’s not your fault, or Demora’s, it’s… I don’t know.”

Hikaru fell silent as he watched Ben adjust in his seat. He wanted to talk the man’s hand, to kiss his fingertips, to show him that he was still there for Ben, but the physical contact couldn’t be done. It wouldn’t be what Ben needed anyway.

“Have you talked to anyone else about this?” Hikaru asked. Ben shook his head. “Why don’t you?”

“I’m not sure it would do any good,” Ben said.

“It wouldn’t hurt, though,” Hikaru answered. Ben didn’t respond. “Because of where you live, I imagine there’s a lot of parents out there with spouses in Starfleet. Talk to them. Maybe you can help each other.”

Ben only nodded.


End file.
